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Saturday, 7 January 2017

2017; Withdrawal, Freedom, and a Bottle of Lilt

Happy New Year! Plus about a week, I've been ill and busy (starting 2017 the way most of 2016 went, then!). I hope you had a lovely winter break, Christmas, New Year, all the lovely times associated with trying to pretend it's not miserable outside.
What are your resolutions, aims or goals for 2017? I have one big one; one that I've been setting my sights on for years. One that I am determined to achieve, and that I'm going to be so proud when I have done so.

This year, I am going to drink a bottle of Lilt.

This isn't a sponsored post, I just love and miss Lilt

I know that sounds really weird, and really simple, but really the Lilt is more a representative of a milestone. Allow me to explain.

If you read this blog a lot, or follow me on Twitter or whatever, you'll see that I post stuff about mental health and my own mental health struggles. I've also written for the Student Minds blog, and in a few weeks will be doing a training day to become a Press Ambassador for them too! Which is so very exciting!

So where does Lilt come in? Lilt is a really tasty tropical drink I've always loved, but it contains grapefruit juice. Grapefruit juice, when drunk by someone on Sertraline, an antidepressant, makes the drug flood into the bloodstream creating unpleasant effects and even things like serotonin poisoning. While I love Lilt, I also love not experiencing those nasty things, so since I started on Sertraline years ago I haven't been able to drink any. It's become a symbol to me, an end goal. One day, I will be off my medication, and I will drink a bottle of Lilt to celebrate. That day is coming.

One big reason I was ill so much in 2016 (and why I'm ill at the moment) is because the long process of coming off the tablets began nearly a year ago. You can't just cold turkey things like this so I'm slowly dropping the doses of one tablet at a time. This is taking a long time for various reasons, like the high doses and large number of different drugs I was on, the fact that when I drop a dosage down I lose a week to really nasty withdrawal. It's a weird feeling, the withdrawal; it's like the worst hangover ever, my brain stops functioning and I can't focus on anything at all. But it's a bittersweet feeling; each time I go through it I'm one step closer to being off the medication, to tasting the Lilt-y freedom. Not freedom from the medication, because I needed them, I wouldn't have seen 2017 without them (or 2015 or 16 for that matter). It's another symbol to me. That I really am winning my fight against depression, and that I can do it myself now, without the meds. That I am free to live my life, and be myself, without the fear that the depression will scupper my plans, hopes and dreams.

That Lilt is going to be the best thing I have ever tasted.

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