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Wednesday, 19 April 2017

A New Beginning, an Old Face, and a lot of Lilt

You know when you don't sleep, so you can't quite function properly that day? And then if that has a knock-on effect on the next night's sleep, the next day is affected too, and so on, in a string of days where you're not quite 100% and can't sleep either? And then after a few days of this you get a decent sleep, you're refreshed and ready, and you feel SO much better despite not having felt that bad over the sleepless days, you are at your best, and it feels amazing?

That's me right now. I feel like me, like 100% Peak Gareth. Except not from a few sleepless nights, but from several years of brain fog from depression, medication, withdrawal of medication, and so on. And let me tell you, it feels incredible.

I've not posted in about a month, because I've been a complete zombie from withdrawal from my meds. I've been less able to work, less able to do things I enjoy or spend time with those I like spending time with. Actually, much like some of the aspects of when I was in the worst of the depression, if a lot less bad and for an infinitely more positive reason. But now, I'm off the meds, I have been for a while, the withdrawal symptoms are almost over, and I'm being me. A me that nobody has seen for many years, including myself, and it's the most wonderful feeling.

I've felt it, the old me, the real me, creeping in of late. It's like seeing a face in a crowd that you think you recognise, but only fleeting glimpses. These glimpses have been getting more and more frequent, and I've been getting more and more certain that that face is the one I thought it was. And now the crowd has parted and I've been reunited with that old familiar face, the old version of me from before everything happened.

In the words of John Wick; I'm thinking I'm back. Time to find out what this next chapter of me will bring! So far it's bringing a lot of Lilt; Victory Lilt!


It took a long time, and it was hard. So hard I might not have made it through at all. But I did. I made it, from as low as it gets back to where I used to be, back to my old self. And if anyone is in the same boat, feeling like things will never get better, never be ok again, you're not alone. I felt like that too. It's going to be ok, things can and will get better. They did for me, and they will for you too, even if it doesn't feel like that right now.

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